My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
