I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
