Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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