My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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