Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
