its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
