What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize