69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
