can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
