I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
