remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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