is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
