I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Four minutes until I can fart!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
