remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
