THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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