all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
