I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
