I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
