do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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