can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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