How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
