just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
