hell yes lets make some ravioli
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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