Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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