I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I touched a dick in church today
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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