Plan B is the new Plan A
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
