i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
