I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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