They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
