The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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