Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
