I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
