That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
