Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
