please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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