i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
