can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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