i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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