Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
