I checked into jail on foursquare
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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