i think i have herpe
just one?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
