I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
