Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Boobs are out for the taking
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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