apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
