well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
