someone threw a dead crab at me
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
