Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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