evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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