I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
