Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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