I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
