that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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